This collection of poems and writings, most written after the death of my father who had been a violent and abusive alcoholic describes the pain of loss, of the past, good and bad and the pain of the distance between us in the last years of his life. My father, a man I once adored and grew to fear, to hate and yet continued to love. These writings are written mostly to him while others simply relate the emotions behind the process of having been at his bedside as he passed and of learning to let go, to deal with the scars and the questions that remain still. These writings in no way bash my father but are an honest look into my heart as I listened in his shadowed room to his as it grew silent in its last beat leaving me to grieve in the presence of the many ‘ghosts’ he left behind.